Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
