Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
