8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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