apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
