I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
