i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
