I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
