Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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