I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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