my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
