You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Send help, water and tortillas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
