I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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