I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
