What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Two words: nipple clamps
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