They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
