matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
