I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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