Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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