Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
