..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
