I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's great music for shaving your balls
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
