I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
