True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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