How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
