don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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