It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
