how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
