my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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