Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
