I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
