Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
