She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
