So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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