plz talk dirty to me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
