I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
