I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He felt like a one man threesome
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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