Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
