My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
