Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
