Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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