as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
