I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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