I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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