if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
