I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
