Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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