why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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