I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
