You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
