Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
