Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
