he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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