we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
