for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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