you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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