No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
